


He Ain't No Man Of Steel

by TheBustyStClair



Category: Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Characters besides Chato + Digger are cameo's at best, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Innuendo, M/M, Movie Spoilers, One Shot, Smoking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBustyStClair/pseuds/TheBustyStClair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Surveying the almost unimaginable damage that the Enchantress and her army of horrifying minions had rained down upon on the streets of Midway City, Chato just couldn't seem to stop himself from reflecting on well, everything really.</p><p>He mostly thought about the Squad itself and his newfound brother's and sister's in arms, but also where all of this chaos and destruction would leave them when everything was said and done. Did he really want to know?</p><p>Then, as if things weren't already confusing enough for the poor meta, along came Boomer, giving poor Chato something else entirely to think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Ain't No Man Of Steel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turnupfortrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnupfortrash/gifts).



> Well, here it is, a cracky little fic written about one of the crackiest little pairing on the entire planet/DCEU fandom. Take everything you see & read here with a pinch of salt, especially since Digger isn't acting like as huge of a twat as he usually is known too. 
> 
> Either way I hope you enjoy it!

So the thousand eyed tar-like demons straight from the fiery pits of hell itself were new. Extremely unpleasant too, but mostly new.

 

Chato had never expected that any part of this godforsaken suicide mission was going to be in the least bit easy, but still, those demonic hell-beasts were pretty damn surprising to say the very least. Looks like his intention to stay well out of the way of trouble had now become a necessity.

 

Glancing around him, Chato couldn't help but soak in the sight of the complete devastation the seemingly abandoned streets of Midway City had to offer. Feeling an all too familiar icy chill slither up his spine like a serpent, he frowned to himself as the grim reality of his current situation begun to truly sink in.

 

Chato had seen and even tapped into some real dark powers in his lifetime, but this shit was on an entirely other level. Whatever was happening here wasn't just another terrorist attack like that Waller woman on Flag's tablet had said, that much was for sure. He wondered what else they hadn't told him. He also wondered if he really wanted to know. He knew fine well that chances are that he probably didn't.

 

It wasn't until Flag's sword wielding companion barked something that he didn't understand at him that Chato finally noticed that he'd come to a complete halt at some point during his reflective daydream.

 

Shit.

 

Turning to glance at the woman while giving her a small nod as sign of acknowledgement, Chato took off following after the squad once again while Katana, who seemed suitably placated by his actions, took her hands off the hilt of her blade and begun following on after the rest of the crew too.

 

Crisis averted.

 

Remaining silent as he walked at a snails pace behind the rest of Waller's Squad, Chato hoped that keeping to the back of the crowd and out of the way of everyone else would help him avoid any unnecessary conflict. Shivering as a particularly unpleasant gust of wind rumbled through the desolate streets and shook him to his very core, Chato grumbled silently to himself as he quickly upped his pace in order to catch up with his team-mates once again. As much as he'd prefer to just go it alone (or not to go it at all if he were being completely honest), the thought of getting swarmed by those black eye'd monstrosities without anyone there to help wasn't exactly high on his wish-list.

 

Slipping his hands into the surprisingly deep pockets of his jacket, Chato's eyes flicked between squad-mate to squad-mate like a pinball gone wild. What was there to say about his newfound brothers and sisters in arms? A lot, as it turned out.

 

Flag was very obviously a complete and utter pushover, but his Katana-wielding bodyguard and the absolutely terrifying woman on his tablet were almost definitely not, so it was probably a good idea to at least try and keep on their good side. For now anyway.

 

Waylon, or Croc as the others seemed set on calling him, had seemed pretty chill so far. Well, as chill as a cannibalistic crocodile man could possibly be he supposed. Waylon hadn't said all that much, but then again Chato wasn't sure what exactly he was expecting him to say given their current circumstances. They could always make idle small talk about the tiny bombs forcibly injected into their necks? Hell, they could even talk about how chances were high that neither of them would survive the night? Probably best just to avoid talking in general if that were the case.

 

Harley meanwhile put on a convincingly toothless front, but Chato knew a cold-blooded killer when he saw one. Her ditzy facade paired up with the fact that her clearly contraband mobile phone kept buzzing every few minutes or so left Chato with a knot in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't shake. While Chato may have been the biggest fish in his admittedly small pond back when he was still living the luxurious life of a well-respected crime lord, he was nothing compared to Harley's infamously psychotic beau, the mother-fucking Joker. If Chato was a fish, then Harley's 'boyfriend' was a shark. Probably best to just keep out of her road entirely.

 

So far Deadshot had seemed to be the most reasonable member of their little gang, but then again that wasn't really saying much was it? So far in their admittedly brief interactions Deadshot had treated Chato with respect and so Chato treated him the same in return. He'd seen what Deadshot was able to do back when those monsters had attacked not five minutes ago. Dude was pretty damn terrifying when he really put his mind to it. They mostly kept out of each others way and for that Chato was secretly rather thankful.

 

Slipknot had seemed nice enough. Emphasis on the 'had'. Poor bastard.

 

The Aussie on the other hand, well he wa-

 

“ _Alright mate. How's it hanging?”_ Suddenly said the very man in question as he swung one of his broad arms around Chato's shoulder before pulling him in closer towards him. Jesus Christ, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“ _Alright.”_ Chato said instead of saying what he actually wanted to, namely telling the taller, gruffer man to get the fuck off of him. The best way to avoid a fight was to be civil after all.

“ _You deaf or somethin'? I asked you how its hanging mate. A little to the left? Maybe to the right? Or are you an 'even middle' sorta bloke?”_ Boomer said a wide toothy grin that made Chato's skin crawl and his cheeks lightly flush.

 

Deciding that rising to the other's obvious bait was almost definitely going to end badly, Chato muttered something under his breath and wriggled free from the Aussie's surprisingly strong grip, earning himself a throaty laugh from the man the others had called 'Boomer' before he quickly begun to close the distance Chato had just put between them.

 

“ _D'aww, what's wrong hot stuff? Am I gettin' you all fired up or somethin'? Maybe I could give you a rub down, help ya cool off?”_ Boomer continued on undeterred, shit-eating grin still very much present on his wildly unkempt features while Chato could only muster up a mostly nonplussed glance in response.

“ _Listen man I don't want no trouble.”_

“ _Who said anything about trouble? Here I was thinkin' we were gettin' ourselves properly acquainted is all.”_ Boomer said with the same innocent twang to his tone that he'd used earlier on that same day when trying to deny he'd been caught robbing a bank when he had been captured.

 

Suffice to say, it wasn't working any better on Chato than it had been earlier with Flag's soldiers.

 

Keeping his eyes focused on Chato's, Boomer couldn't help but sigh dramatically as it became abundantly clear that Chato wasn't picking up on what exactly it was Boomer was selling. So much for fore-play then.

 

“ _Yer obviously busy so lets just cut the shit then. I think 'Small and Swordy' over there is just looking for any reason to lop my head off after what happened to poor Slippy earlier on so I'll do my best to make this quick.”_ Boomer said in a hushed voice while gesturing back towards Katana, who seemed to zero in on the two of them with an aggravated snarl tugging on her delicate yet harshly scared features.

“ _Ugh. Get to the point already.”_ Chato said.

“ _Direct. I like that.”_ Boomer sneered sickeningly before leaning his face in closer to Chato's, who couldn't help but instinctively pull himself just the tiniest bit further away.

“ _Listen, you're hot. I'm hot. You're locked up in Belle Reve for life. I'm locked up in Belle Reve for life. Chances are we're both gonna get a little lonely sooner or later my friend...”_ Boomer's seemed to purr into Chato's ear while Chato himself could only turn to stare dumbly at Boomer with confusion written all over his inked-up face.

“ _And...”_ Chato asked, already fearing the answer.

“ _If you ever get too lonely and would like nothing more than to get yer rocks off then you know who to come too.”_ Boomer said with a disgusting lewd smirk that Chato was almost ashamed to admit that he kind of enjoyed.

“ _Woah there, slow down man. I don't swin-”_ Chato begun to say before Boomer cut him off by raising his index finger up to Chato's face and lightly pressing it down over his still open mouth.

“ _Shh. I'm not suggesting anything mate. I'm just letting you know that if you ever wanna relieve some of that pent up aggression of yours then I'll be more than glad to lend you a helping hand, that's all.”_ Boomer said. _“You don't have to do anything with that information, just try to keep it in mind. 'Kay?”_

 

Chato paused momentarily and looked at Boomer through narrowed eyes. Behind them, Katana muttered something to herself as she suddenly tightened her grip on the hilt of her blade. Both Chato and Boomer acknowledged this little motion by carrying on along after the team again at a much faster pace. Best not to risk pissing her off.

 

“ _I, uh...”_ Chato eventually said with the slightest of nods, using all his strength to be as civil to Boomer as he possibly could be. _“I-I appreciate it man.”_

“ _Don't mention it hot stuff.”_ Boomer said with yet another sinfully gravelly chuckle as one of his huge hands patted Chato's shoulder. _“We'll talk later, yeah?”_

“ _Sure thing man. Sure thing.”_ Chato said as he watched Digger slip his hands back into the pockets of his horrendously garish blue coat while he walked away from the mostly confused Chato and up towards the sinisterly smirking Harley Quinn who immediately latched herself onto Boomer, faux-ditzy act turned up all the way to ten as she leaned in close and begun to whisper in his ear.

 

Chato wasn't exactly sure what Quinn had heard, but truthfully he didn't really care. The boomerang-tossing asshole was clearly absolutely fucking crazy and Chato wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. The poor horny sap would just have to keep on wanting.

 

* * *

 

Not even a day later, both Boomer and Chato collapsed down onto the tiny expanse of bedding in boomer's even tinier cell together with matching sighs, their breathing heavy and bodies slick with sweat after what had just proven itself to be a pretty mind-blowing fuck. Falling down onto his side while Boomer seemed content enough just to stay laying flat on his back with a grin to rival even that of the Joker's on his wildly disheveled features, Chato couldn't help but gaze at his apparently spent companion while Boomer reached down the side of his bed in what appeared to be a rather fruitless search for something or other.

 

Just moments before Chato was about to finally offer him a helping hand, Boomer made a strange noise that almost sounded like a cheer as he removed his hand from down the side of his pathetic excuse for a bed and withdrew what he had clearly been looking for, namely a poorly rolled handmade cigarette.

 

“ _Here, be a mate and light this for me will ya?”_ Boomer said as he pushed the cigarette along through the distance between them and held it just above Chato's stomach, who in turn sighed aloud as he shot a single flame down from his index finger and lit Boomer's cigarette up with ease.

“ _Damn boy. Harley was right for once, that shit WAS real classy.”_ Boomer said as he placed the cigarette between his lips and begun to happily puff away on it.

“ _SEE! I TOLD YA DIDN'T I?!”_ Suddenly hollered a proud sounding Harley Quinn from somewhere down the long line of cells that they now called home, forcing Digger into a rapturous laughter while besides him, Chato could only roll his eyes and smile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A big special thank you to the wonderful TurnUpForTrash/BiggerHarkness/SociallyAwkwardFangirl21 who beta'd this fic AND is pretty much the reason this fic was written in the first place. Who knew a simple conversation could lead to such a beautiful cracky ship eh?
> 
> Okay so if you liked this then leave a comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> My tumblr is TheBustyStClair so if you liked it you can always let me know there, or alternatively follow me for more soft 'Flaming Boomerang' since thanks to my friends on there I find myself knee-deep in a new cracky rare-pair hell.
> 
> SideNote: The title of this fic comes from the song 'Boomerang' by the endlessly amazing Clare Maguire. A boomerang AND a superman reference in the one song? Too good to pass up in my opinion.


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